If you have been cheated on then you would have definitely asked yourself how to move on when being cheated on. You may have googled it and asked your friends. But we all know its better said than done.
When your partner cheats, it’s as if the entire world as you know it has been seriously altered and destroyed . What you thought was true about your life — that you were in a loving, committed, monogamous relationship — comes into question, making you doubt your partnership, your partner and yourself. But there is a way through this difficult situation and a chance for healing, learning and growth. Whether you choose to stay together or break up, here’s what you can do to move forward after you’ve been cheated on.
- First of all , don’t hate the third person. I know i know it seems impossible but if you think about it It’s not him / her who primarily wronged you, it’s your partner. You are only answerable to your partner.
- It’s not about you. Say that a thousand times till it finally sinks in. Cheating is definitely not about you. It’s all about your partner. It’s about the kind of person your partner had become in the relationship or is in his life, that they were trying to get away from, not you.
- You are not all alone, you are neither the first person nor the last one in this world who’s seeing this.
- I know it seems like the world is crumpling down but trust me It’s not the end of the world. This too shall pass.
- Be compassionate to them. Be kind to the partner who cheated on you. Because Clearly, if they are deceiving, they are deceiving their own selves more than anyone else, and that’s sad and pathetic.
- Take a break from everything. If there was cheating involved, the relationship was most likely already suffering and after cheating, it’s going to be worse. Leave. You will only make it hard for yourself.
And since you asked how to move on –
- Now that all is said and done focus on yourself. Cheating is going to affect your self esteem and you are going to feel rejected. So take care of yourself. Tell yourself it’s not about you. There’s nothing wrong in you. It was your partner that was flawed.
- Focus on your work, other relationships and friendships for a while. Remember you weren’t able to give so much time to your parents and your friends because of your relationship? Maybe it’s time you spend some time with them. Or other familial relationships.
- Take a break altogether from all kind of romantic relationships. You are going to be tempted to have have casual relationships, or things like that or even hooks ups or rebounds. If you are clear that’s what you want, then sure great. But chances are, you are in huge emotional turmoil already. Best to not involve with other people without clarity.
- Read your favorite books, Travel where you wanted you, and most importantly Indulge in your hobbies and other interests.
- After a while when you think you are ready, get back at dating people and at trusting them.
- Know that you are not entitled or answerable to anybody. Work on yourself first. Make your next relationship such that even if the spouse is attracted to someone else, they feel safe and comfortable telling that to you.
- Invest in human relations and friends again. Don’t be defensive and negative about life. Be open to new possibilities and experiencs . Learn to trust and love again. And learn that trusting again is all about you and not the other person.
I understand this would be a very tough time for you, but no matter what you will get through. Trust us, you will. It will be very tragic and hurtful at first, but it only gets better.
We dont konow if there are any absolute or sure shot ways to move on after being cheated upon, but in the end pnder on therse three points.
Accept: Accept that the person has chosen someone else over you(even if its for a brief while). Accept the fact that you have been cheated upon. Also accept that you have been hurt. Don’t run away from the sadness you feel. You will feel like the world has fallen apart, but the best way to move on is that you need to feel that. Don’t suppress what you are feeling and let the feeling and the pain sink in. Flush down those memories, erase that contact, lose the touch with the person if you feel that might help you.
Indulge: Indulge yourself into things you love. Develop a hobby or hobbies (if you don’t have one already). Pick up that paintbrush lying around in your room since long. Put to use that year long gym membership you have signed up for as your new year resolution. Read all those good books waiting in your to-read list since eternity. Dust off that sexy bike you always wanted to ride. Book tickets to that place you have been dreaming forever to go to. But most importantly, talk. Talk to your close and loved ones.
Forgive: It might seem like an impossible thing to do right now, but after you pass the above mentioned stages, forgiving that person won’t be so difficult (but remember forgive but do not forget the lessons this phase taught you). Analyze your self, and realize that holding the grudge against that person isn’t going to help you in any way now. It is only going to restrict you from being happy and content with your life again. Let him/her go and pass. Consider this a life long experience, an unpleasant incident just like many that happen in one’s life.